God Facebook Page - Search FB Posts - Page 8
- God - Official FB PageCategory: Comedian Likes: 774552 Talking About: 789534About: Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheGoodGodAbove YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/stuffgodhates
- What the hell, America? (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-18T18:40:27+0000)
God: What the hell, America?Comments:
htims kcin - Would showing a woman's hair be porn in iraq?
egarehtaed nosaj - priority's this guys has them.
sunivroc auhsoj - I support porn for all people of all nations and all genders!
oicnerolf otrebor - lets trade them oil for it!
יול לט - it's very ironic when god says "what the hell"...
zeuqsalev hsoj - That's what happen when you make women look like shopping ninjas
llewop sirhc - It's our American duty to spread the booty.
llaf htron - See, this is why the Taliban blows shit up. Give them the porn.
onallup relyt - Looks like it's time to start a "relief" fund!
dnomhcir ydnarb - Eh. I say let them make their own. We have to take care of our country first. Go get your own porn, Iraq.
nesdrahcir mot - I smell a vile stench of photoshop ;)
rehcamedar ppirt - Getting off makes everyone feel better. When people feel good, they are calm. Give them porn, all mighty God of the Facebook! Then everyone everywhere can have porn, get off, and be calm. World peace.
akcaw rekab llij - Whether the US does porn well is a matter of opinion. Still sexiest as hell, geared toward men's satisfaction, with the expectation that women are just a vehicle toward men's enjoyment. What is depicted is a women reaching orgasm just by a man entering her. Ridiculous! I can hear the argument know, porn is viewed mostly by men, so this is what is portrayed... The problem, beside the obvious, is that regular men have sex with real women. You see the problem?
adjag ataga - Prince having no idea what he's doing.
malf assilem - To further boost their high regard of women.
zenitram .j xela - The 2 things America's good at, Porn and Diabetes
yenrahc mada - I think he meant "corn". They're having a hard time with agriculture over there.
llorrac anoírt - I want non-masochist (non-50 Shades of Grey) Porn for WOMEN !! :P
ztiworoh sesom - We should give Iraq booze, porn and television, and lots of it. Worded wonders on the USA, after all.
nas leinad - Cmon. At least give them porn. And the good stuff not that late night skinemax bull.
nevohs rehtaeh - One step at a time dudes. Let your ladies show their ankles first!
- AND NOW the answers to ASK GOD:
1. HUMAN: Why did you create Justin Bieber?
GOD: Millions an (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-18T02:10:15+0000)
God: AND NOW the answers to ASK GOD: 1. HUMAN: Why did you create Justin Bieber? GOD: Millions and millions of teenage girls have to worship someone. What are they gonna do, fall in love with the boy next door? HAH! He’s not even famous! 2. HUMAN: Is there a Mrs. God? GOD: No. There used to be but we got a divorce. Um…just for the record…this all definitely happened a long time before I banged Mary. 3. HUMAN: Will anyone ever invent vibrating tampons so I really can have a happy period? GOD: No. Humans keep trying to invent this, but I keep stopping them. Periods are not to be trifled with. THUS SAYETH THE LORD. 4. HUMAN: are you friends with the Flying Spaghetti Monster? GOD: No. The Pasta Monster is My enemy. He’s an up and comer on the deity stage and has started to peel off My Followers. I have sworn to catch and eat the pasta monster. I even put out a reward for it’s capture of TEN GAJILLION SPACE BUCKS. 5. HUMAN: Have you ever drunk dialed Mary? If so, how pissed off does Joseph get? GOD: Of course, it’s happens all the time. I get drunk and we have lots and lots of phone sex. Joseph never says anything but I know he listens. I can hear him breathing. 6. HUMAN: If you remove a pin of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? By the way, I kind of need a quick answer for this question. GOD: No, you should throw it somewhere. Anywhere is fine, just so long as it’s no longer in your hand. By the way, I know it took the LORD ten hours to answer your question and you are now dead. But at least you got an answer! 7. HUMAN: Dear God, do you ever regret killing off the dinosaurs? Wouldn't it have been amusing watching us go about our day to day lives periodically getting chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex? GOD: Yes, I do regret that. I think watching a scumbag lawyer run from a hungry T-Rex while on his way to work would be extremely entertaining. Maybe I should send a few dinosaurs back to Earth. I’ll put it on the to-do list for next week.Comments:
salas agiñúz reivaj - Take Beiber, return dinosaurs!
otser xam - as a devout pastafarian, i find it offensive that you consider his cosmic noodliness your enemy. not cool, god. not cool!
sgninnej ennaira ecadnac - God, if you made man in your own image, why are people not invisible?
mel alopama - God, when you drunk dial Mary, and Joseph walks in on her speaking w you, do you tell her to tell him its "Jake, from StateFarm"??
sbbod assilem - That's not Joseph listening, its the NSA.
hpesoj meeqhr r - This is the funniest thing I've ever seen
rageruaj egroeg essej - God, I hate to debunk you on question number six, but as an ex-Navy Gunners Mate...
It is possible to put the pin back in a grenade as the device is still safe so long as the spoon is held tight to the body of the weapon. If the original pin cannot be located, and this came from one of my Chiefs, use a paperclip.
zerimar asiram - Why is "God" always referred to as a "male" entity? Isn't "God" whatever we perceive "God" to be? In that case, my god makes vibrating tampons, is neither male nor female, and allows dinosaurs to roam the earth so I can ride a Velociraptor while eating ice-cream and chasing misogynists and child/animal abusers with my trained ninja T-Rex.
iksokitnam ahtram - Dear God: Dinosaurs are not extinct. E.g. Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, Marcus Bachman... Et al. Homophobiass erectus sanctibalonium.
htohtaza eoj - Take bieber, return James Dio.
nannerb repooc - Michelle mulligan have you ever heard of the Crusades? You idiot
kcalb yrrab - "God put dinosaurs on this earth to test your faith" ~ Sarah Palin quote.
erihsnoved nairb - And the LORD sayeth "SHOO!"
Thus, dinosaurs were no more
-- Sagan 42:0
renrut oettam - "But the path was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw, and O the disciples did run a shrieking 'What a big fucking lizard, lord.' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus' paw and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousand of American tourists and their fat, fucking families and their fat, fucking American dollar bills. And Scotland did praise the lord, 'Thank you lord, Thank you lord, Thank you lord.'"--Bill Hicks
xorroh sirhc - Silly sandy, if you don't like it, piss off!
).h susej fo rehtorb niwt( tsirhc .t yrrej - I remember having to pose for this picture because Jesus was too scared to get close to the dinosaur.lol It was also His first attempt at making a rainbow and it was a total FAIL. It was actually My idea to add 4 more colors!
seyah yram - God: Do you mind if I take all of your 'Mary' references personally? It would make me smile and maybe giggle a little bit.
senoj kcirtap - If dinosaurs actually come back that means that there really is a God and that he really does own a Facebook page
yeneews mij - Scumbag lawyers huh. Hey god, who handled your divorce ?
htebsle nnirie - Bringing back the dinos would THRILL my little girl. Sacrificing Beiber to see it happens would thrill ME.
arrobi emeizar - i'm going to laugh at all the assholes who have accused God of not being real because of this facebook page when the dinosaurs come back next week .
- It's ASK GOD WEDNESDAY! Post a comment with any question for the LORD.
I'll answer the top 7 (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-17T17:21:04+0000)
God: It's ASK GOD WEDNESDAY! Post a comment with any question for the LORD.
I'll answer the top 7 questions tonight!Comments:
notnats rezagrats yeblehs - Why did you create Justin Bieber?
araaviksok anin - Is there a Mrs. God?
llig ennaoj - Will anyone ever invent vibrating tampons so I really can have a happy period?
dag kered - God, are you friends with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
iii moxiw kcaj - Have you ever drunk dialed Mary? If so, how pissed off does Joseph get?
gnahz ekim - if a brown man killed a black man and everyone is mad at the white man, why are they rioting and looting the yellow mans stores?
etihw werdna - How many pieces of wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
htims nhoj - How does a blind man know when he's done wiping his ass?
esuor revilo - Why do we call it cookies and bacon when we cook bacon but bake cookies?
ejertsac adnama - If you remove a pin of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? By the way, I kind of need a quick answer for this question.
nosnah nevets - God, if you're the source of truth, it logically follows that you cannot lie. Does that mean you like big butts?
notlimah yrag - I've a tattoo of the periodic table on my back. Should I be worried that more anthracites and lanthanides will be discovered?
ibo nez hctim - Dear God, do you ever regret killing off the dinosaurs? Wouldn't it have been amusing watching us go about our day to day lives periodically getting chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex?
xoc naed lrac - In Monopoly, is it okay to sell the "Get Out of Jail Free" card to another player?
neslo eru nil ioj - Do animals (besides humans) pray to You? If so, what do they pray for?
llerrub ekaj - How did Jesus find people called Matthew and James in the Middle East?
regideor 'yls' yllas - You still haven't told me why I have not yet received that pony I prayed for 45 years ago.
htiek nnylf ybrad - Do you ever beg humans for their forgiveness at the pearly gates for all the bullshit you put us through in life?
sraeps ynohtna - I know you could walk on water, but can you walk on 15 shots of tequila?
smada rehpotsirhc - Why did you make those "banana strings" .... when you peel the banana, those extra things flop there. We all just pull them off anyway. No one eats them.
zedh orak - is the Hokey Pokey really what it is ALL about?
- The winner of SMITE TUESDAY is the state of Florida.
Florida is the worst state in the USA.
(Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-17T00:29:41+0000)
God: The winner of SMITE TUESDAY is the state of Florida. Florida is the worst state in the USA. SMITE!Comments:
grubmuh nived - Ehh, I still think Texas probably holds that title
nohamcm hpesoj kcirtap - Somewhere in Texas an asshole took that as a personal challenge
kyzcluk eidde - Yeah I guess if you get your head bashed in you should just take it
eroted ekalb - I live here and it really is complete shit
kyzczsalb nhoj - Yeah this used to be a funny and clever page. Now it's all 100% liberal BS.
agroyam raile - goddammit lord. As a Floridian I would have to agree with you, but at least at some point all the old geezers that make the stupid rules will be playing shuffle board up in your magical kingdom someday and us real Floridians can get back to what makes our state the shit. Spring break, great baseball and loose whores.
retneprac r dahc - Gotta disagree god. They got something right this time.
wónaj eyt yrahcaz - Dude. Texas banned tampons in the state capitol. They still win the prize.
naeb norahs - god, im a big fan. but um, the legal system doesnt include emotions, so yeah, many of us think it sucks. but then there's the whole preponderance of evidence, rule of law, burden of proof and that whole 'reasonable doubt' thing. let's also factor in that crazy idea that our media, generally, SUCKS ASS and is fully and completely corporatized....
tdimhcs wehttam - You obviously haven't been to NC.
rehsielf naes - God, how do you hate this beautiful state? It is, after all, your waiting room, is it not?
yenalud rebma - Thank you for specifying that it's the government here that sucks...because you know there's a LOT of regular citizens like myself who are disgusted with what's been going on in Florida <3
sknahs olegna leahcim - Mississippi: *clears throat*
zeugirdor ydderf - FB God was funny until he/she/it got all political. I don't care about the Right or the Left. This was much better when the religious stuff was on. Extreme Left is just as bad as Extreme Right. Stop being a dickwad.
mulloccm werdna - Just when I thought this page couldn't make a full retard post.
aicrag assilem - I was born and raised in South Florida, and I approve of this message.
retrop eduam - As much as I hate Zimmerman, you have to be PROVEN guilty... If there isn't enough evidence, even for one juror, they have to say "not guilty", and that is to the charges that are being brought up.
sreveev edualc - George Zimmerman was innocent. The media has made fools out of all of you. YOU CAN'T FLIM FLAM THE ZIM MAN.
llewej nivek - Running neck and neck, but Florida did put Bush into the white house!
htrawzloh nodnarb - Gotta call bullshit with god on this one. Sad to see even got got caught up with the media hype and not actually checking out the trial.
notnats refinnej - Texas is a close second.
- The Divine Brain hurts from all the stupid. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-16T19:45:38+0000)
God: The Divine Brain hurts from all the stupid.Comments:
kralc nella divad - Dear God; Are you building some of these humans out of spare parts or leftovers? Isn't there some kind of warranty you provide if they're defective like this?
namelpmet nayr - Billy Madison reference! 1000 pts
irawit najirs - You are a cool GOD
hcnyl noraa - God, why do you allow people like this to continue to procreate? My guess is this guy has multiple children.
mörtsnnurb naj - English. Does he speak it?
llih salohcin - You created him, God. You deal with him.
srewob sirhc - Some people drunk text. This guy apparently trolls while he's having a stroke...
llewop riatsala - It's true! I was once arrested for clowning a liberal and not accepting the sheep or something... And now its on my permanent record :(
nenäkkym akkre - Actually, I think this guy is right on the money. I too subscribe to the notion that the Santa Clause of Clown Liberals hate the sheep for the magic ritual of I Am Going to Fuck It.
eiram stnapycnaf naillij - As a reminder, this year's #iamgonnafuckit Magic Ritual will be BYOB.
resuahoh ttocs - Bath Salts is a hell of a drug.
ggerg ttocs - Your own fault...you made him...
ycnay irret - No, I'm afraid there isn't any law that says "If you clown liberals they must give you the sheep for the iamgonnafuckit magic ritual". Not that I know what the hell that means. But if there were such a law, it would be on the books in Mississippi.
etuhcself yllehs - "I support the death penalty and I hate abortion." Huh, guess it is all about the timing...
hplodnar ecarg ahtnamas - "I hate abortion" Says the human being with a dick who could never be pregnant, stupid fucker, you have no say or opinion in that "run".
llebpmac nimajneb - I think he may be having a stroke.
norrehs aseret - maybe he meant 'claws' because he is half-man, half-lobster?
tareig noom nehpets - Think mr Echols is a good argument for abortion and the death penalty :)
namrehs lehcar - Definitely swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool..
nrobso bocaj - several of my brain cells just committed suicide..
scakt nehpets - So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy - "society" - knew where to find 'em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.
- It's SMITE TUESDAY! Post a comment with the person, place or thing you want smote.
I'll post (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-16T16:11:53+0000)
God: It's SMITE TUESDAY! Post a comment with the person, place or thing you want smote.
I'll post the winner tonight! SMITE!Comments:
eizzil toofdael - you could begin with Florida
inos akiv - Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman Zimmerman
yaldnif tak - Smite the 3 boys who raped Rehtaeh Parsons, bullied her over several year until she eventually committed suicide, and now are whining in articles that they are the victims. Happened in Nova Scotia Canada. She's on this months cover of people magazine in the US
nosnhoj deraj - Those who attempt to divide the country along racial lines.
xanillum llib - Ann Coulter's house (for MANY reasons, but in particular for shouting 'Hallelujah' when Zimmerman's verdict was announced).
doog .m eseilenna - Seriously guys..
It seems kind of silly to me that so many people are commenting about Zimmerman when there was a grave injustice done to all the women in Texas on the same day.
Smite those assholes who pushed through the anti-abortion law in Texas
ttekcup enna - smite cancer, for Talia (you took her this morning, you greedy bastard! so smite that shit cancer)
namtrah ylime - Smite the parents that kick their children out upon finding out theyre gay.
tteffom .j.d - Easy, George Zimmerman.
yrrep nitsuj - Whoever the idiots are that raised interest on student loans. I'm only 22 and am 40,000 in debt, (not counting my 27,000 dollar medical bill) us as college students r usually broke. I wasn't born with the luxury of rich parents and its hard to work, although I'm trying, between school and not having a car.. I don't even expect to make 40,000 my first year after school! We are going.to better ourselves and make money and have a bright future.. how are u gonna take more money when we are actually doing somethin but you'll be glad to hand the deadbeats $1,000 a month to sit on their ass.. smh.
osulacam sirhc - please just smite us all and start over.
aramancm nitsua - Westboro Baptist Church. Bunch of dumb haters.
nilknarf nwad - Plastic wrap. It's been torturing us for years with the false promise of easy tear and cling.
smailliw hpesoj - We should probably smite all the violent protestors that are protesting against a violent case. Seems counterproductive and downright stupid.
yelloc enitsirhc - Can I get a twofer just this once? Texas and Florida.
smada rehpotsirhc - Johnny Depp, for slapping makeup on, acting goofy, and expecting that shtick to work for 12 movies in a row.
yenivid enaid enileuqcaj - Ted Nugent... for existing
nospmoht alegna - The media for making one bullshit case "important" and using it to fuel a race war. Or the 11,000 black people who have been killed since Trayvon was murdered in self defense. 94% of which were killed by a person of their own race.
ppod harobed - The next white person who says "a black person should not be threatened by being followed". On second thought, just turn that person a nice deep dark brown.
gnik mailliw - Rick Perry. a variety of reasons. Like his sister making millions off the new Texas abortion bill by getting the religious idiots to stop thinking. Again. Or the bill he signed that doesn't give equal pay to women. The list is pretty fuckin' long at this point. Smite. His. Ass.
arevir anerol - Jake from State Farm
- SUMMARY: Obama has magical gay powers. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-15T23:16:42+0000)
God: SUMMARY: Obama has magical gay powers.Comments:
snehpets nalyd - We love you, God.
neil nad - i think i broke my face, i facepalmed so hard
et illek - How do people like this get by day to day without forgetting how to breathe?
nalod yzeed - i wasn't aware you could actually be this stupid
sutal suilut sujag - If Obama has magical gay powers, won't that make him a hair dresser?
dlonra nitsuj - Man that dude is gayer than a dude being gay. It's okay to be gay dude. Accept it.
aohco werdna - It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it.
regeulfp nhoj - i went to obama's gay training course. never finished, so now i'm bisexual.
neiplok eilrahc - Obama doesn't give me gay feelings.. oh, but that biden... (drool)
kicjow nid yelah - I feel fabulous under Obama's magical gay powers!
nnywddirec anitx - God is male.....so is jesus....so men who love god and jesus are gay
nedwob wehttam - Do you think Obama can turn a straight guy gay for me? I needs a cuddlemonkey
sirron nadroj - It is physically painful to me that people this stupid exist.
htor llib - Why do you redact the names? If they're dumb enough to post something so stupid publicly, we should be able to ridicule them.
aicrag nebur - Clearly he doesn't know how to handle the fact that he's gay
xanillum llib - Obama wants me to have gay sex. So I do.
regnidned darej - Why did you make it so stupid people breed faster?
idravsul yeoj - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkQxHlr2fXM
oilec ilak - so many idiots...god why cant u thin the herd? just a little.
nala ynohtna - this persons parents are brother and sister i think.
zy naj niassuh rawasat - lmfao thats where the sudden urge to shove my bath soap up my ass came from
- The world needs more of these signs. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-15T20:32:19+0000)
God: The world needs more of these signs.Comments:
.rj yad edylc - No we need to remove all warning lables off everything. if you have to be told not to drink bleach then we need to thin out the herd
resuoh evad - Do stupid people really have that choice? As Carlin said, imagine the average person's intelligence, now remember that half the people are dumber than that.
xram enileuqcaj - Couldn't that be a commandment?
kcirf yor auhsoj - NEW COMMANDMENT!
ecir eirrac - Stupid people don't read signs.
htebazile rehpotsirhc - They're the same ones who don't read signs though :/
pohsib aras - some people need that sign driven into their stupid heads!
hsom atsnoj - here, hold my beer...
mussem drahcir - They'd be like Stop signs -- they wouldn't work, more's the pity
notpmoc naes - enforced by lightning bolts
zniets la - if this is a new commandment, what am i supposed to do with all those t shirts that read i'm with stupid?
retswerb ymmas - Perhaps one in the Congressional Parking Garage would help.
sesom drib - hahha no just makes people more stupid!
sredlihcs anigroeg - If you ever wanted God to give you a sign...
This is it.
anial eibrab - Well sadly, no one really reads!
hsom atsnoj - that's discriminatory
yaldnif yrrek - Especially on Australia God.....can you stop people driving through those flood waters??
daehsrehtom llib - People would need someone to explain it to them all the time though.
reggaws nairb - Hey God, can you do us a favor and smite the dumb ones?
onitram ynohtna - Youre god? Will it into existsnce!
drofdar kcin - I need one of those signs on my bathroom mirror as a little reminder every day.
- It's NEW COMMANDMENT DAY! Post a comment with your suggestion for a new law to govern all manki (Type: status | Published: 2013-07-15T17:01:53+0000)
God: It's NEW COMMANDMENT DAY! Post a comment with your suggestion for a new law to govern all mankind. I'll post the winner tonight!Comments:
kriksubnav ttereve - thou shall only use the left lane to pass
eilliw w nhoj - Thou shalt not watch Fox News.
dnalyaw anit - Thou shalt not give a black woman in Florida 20 years for firing a warning shot at her abusive husband and then let Zimmerman go free because he stood his ground.
wohwotyan werd - Thou shall not post "1 Like = 1 Prayer" photos.
remlap nhoj - Thou shall KEEP thy RELIGION to THYSELF!
ttocs gwadab - Howsabout thou shall not kill children because you're scared of the color of their skin?
oon oon ykcan ykcin - Thou shall STOP! when it's Hammer Time
rehcuag-sggob rebma - Thou shalt not be a greedy little fuck.
doow ekim - Thou shalt not cram thy penis, religion, or politics down Thy neighbors throat without consent.
nnam hgnis teeja - Thou shalt use thine fucking turn signal at all times
ekmhe evad - Thou shalt not like big butts and lie about it
koorbloh ylloh - Thou shalt not texteth while in the company of another. Tis rude! ;-)
zerdivla yer - Peanut butter should not be stored in the damn fridge!!!
noiz ailatan yhtorod ailuj - Thou shalt not stalk a black kid buying Skittles.
tterrem semaj - Thou shalt not smell of B.O. on public transport.
sdoow ekim - Thou shalt not duckface.
htrowtihw htiek - Thou shall not be so butthurt over the George Zimmerman verdict
acesnof acissej - Thou shalt make thy intentions clear before the hookup. Thou must not leave a girl hangin'.
nekkab leahcim - Thou shall be excellent to each other and party on dude.
kcilemih haras - Thou shout maketh your woman a sandwich
rialcnis ymerej - Thou shalt STFU if you don't know what you're talking about.
- I only answer if I want to. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-15T03:36:39+0000)
God: I only answer if I want to.Comments:
namoroht hcaz - God, eat a snickers. You're being a dick.
oznava'd sirhc - That kid needs God? He has daddy issues.
iksnimlehc ihsir - He should be asking why his mom doesn't use punctuation.
notskcalb .n ahtnamas - Well if her son talks the way she spells you probably wouldn't even understand the question to begin with.
sretrahc dahc rehpotsirhc - Some of the comments here are priceless. God always answers? God always hears? I'm sure there is quite a few starving children in Africa that might disagree. Of course though that's not god, it's people's fault. Coz the big G only gets credit for the good stuff
nedo kcuhc - God must be in an Old Testament mood
.rj reznal cire - "He's busy giving AIDS to children in Africa." --Ricky Gervais
zeugirdor adyez - Tell him to write to his FB page like everybody does.
sinna nivek - God. I enjoy you personally. Your page is amazing, but a childs faith isnt that of religous douchery but out of curiosity. I think it should be encouraged, not scorned.
mharf-yek refinnej - No kidding. When I was 9 I asked you to make my sick Grandpa feel better. Tell him hi, by the way. lol
nohamcm nivek - You can answer if you want to, you can leave your friends behind...
ir irf kop - On Tuesday, from 5:15 pm to 6:30 pm EST, could you please clear the road for me so I don't get stuck in rush hour traffic. I realize that sometimes the answer from you is "no," but if you do this for me I will believe in you and try to get two other people to believe in you too.
rolyat irol - Kids need to learn early that life shits on you one way or another
That's why I put mine to work in the salt mines at early ages
reltub yelof - Melanie. Unbunch your panties. Just as the biblical god is a joke, so is the facebook one. Blame the kid's mother. She fed him a bunch of crap and now he's sussing it out.
eddumhcs trebor - Spoiled brats and their instant gratification. Every earnest prayer I've ever petitioned has been answered...in due time. After many barren years, I prayed my wife and I might have two children. We were blessed with Lucy, then, two years later, we were blessed with twins. I have no one but myself to blame for not being more specific in my prayers. Thanks for the bonus kid, BTW, she's really awesome.
seivad ewol adnama - My son likes to look at the sky at yell, "Heimdell, open the bifrost!"
raktak mapuna - The LORD does not tell fairy tale lies to 6 year old's.
And neither should we. :)
alev olbap - Wow!! The bible God is back!! really dude, eat a Snickers
llehctim nayrb - Should have told her to have him talk to you on Facebook! Gettin' all old testament, God, ya jerk.
imzil wehttam - I can't believe the butthurts here.
You liked this brilliant page for the controversial humour, and now you decide to be a conservative about it? Piss off and unlike, God hasn't any time for you.
reltub yelof - Why is this kid even looking up to the sky? God is everywhere. Why not just look into your shoe or up a dog's ass?
- I am SO tired of racism. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-15T02:17:55+0000)
God: I am SO tired of racism.Comments:
yehcir nodnarb - God is black because he lives closer to the sun, and therefore needs the darker skin. Really, it makes perfect sense people.
dog - Is anyone else watching Big Brother? Holy shit!
gizaw marb - a much better question is: why is jezus always depicted as white when he was born in the middle east? ;)
yllek'o atina - "Oh my god, Brendon, you can't just ask people why they're black."
trekcief .j ssor - Well, the christian god does kind of sound like a white guy. Rapes virgins, will throw you in a pit of fire for looking at other gods, hires someone to trick people into doing specifically what he told them not to do. Yup. God's white.
revrac nayrb - Because he made man in his own image, and geographic tracking of mitochondrial DNA suggests that the first humans migrated out of Africa.
suoetrop nai - Morgan Freeman has always been black
swehttam-kcalb aileme - Make God a woman if you really want to see the shit fly
zednem yer - Facebook is fuckin stupid, I'm getting tired of all the shit I read on here. I'm a very tolerant person but dammit, you guys pushed me to my limits, what happen to education, love for humanity, respect. Now I don't care if people make fun of me, by all means go ahead, I'm ok with it, but not if you're being racist to the whole community. Blacks, gays, illegals, every one of those groups had to struggle to get here. No one has an easy path and instead of helping, we as people try and keep each other down and its insane. Why don't we want others to be happy? In my eyes, no ones an immigrant, we were are born on earth and earth is our home.
My name is Rey and I truly believe that we're all equal as humans.
notyal atram - I would love for you to someday use a female avatar. See how that riles people up, and makes the rest of us cheer. :-)
erifngier asudem - because black is a mixture of every colour in the colour spectrum when referring to pigment. Since God is part of everyone it makes sense.
nosde cire - according to Bill Nye, we are all shades of brown
nook nitsud - God is Black because he's Morgan Freeman, go home, you're drunk.
secrag nauj - Actually God, you look more Latino to me. Not surprising since you named your kid Jesus.
notsag nmutua - I assumed he was middle eastern, seeing as how his son is from the middle east.
snam trebor - Cus if he was white he would blend into the clouds?
htot ieslek - You gonna lose faith over a tiny change in skin pigment? >:C ARE YOU A FOOL?
nesnaitsirhc arat - I don't think God is black enough!
reinruof dlanod - God is what we make him. I mean, each individual person has a different idea of the perfect being. That is their God. My perfect being looks more like Chuck Norris. A black Chuck Norris.
knarf eiram eneladgam - I think it would be fun if god was a different color of the rainbow every day of the week
arivle yeoj - I always found it funny christians drew Jesus as a white male. Based on where he supposedly was born (although no evidence to support his existance exists), he was most likely brown skinned, and looked like an arab. Thats a fact.
- BEHOLD a new creation! What shall I name it? (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-15T00:16:38+0000)
God: BEHOLD a new creation! What shall I name it?Comments:
tnulb divad - Behold the Rhinark!
dder yrrehc - Put it in China, then we can call it Ho Lee Shitt
oicubac nor - Not sure... but I see a new SyFy channel movie in the making...
xuaehcuaf daraj - Murder McDeathpants
akhsirk eoj - Bill, or George. ANYTHING BUT SUE!
revilo ynohtna - Girl on her period wanting chocolate.
ii sleumas nitram nhoj - how about "run-muthafucka-run"?
trawets nna yffets - Call it aintnothingtofuckwithasaurus
osnofla leugim - Ohshitohshitohshitohshit.
yelir nerual - "Gonnashitmypants Rex"
ohsirap kcin - a George Zimmerman
liencm nosaj - The Great Sharkanocerous
aral sevein .m ydnek - Does it come in a tornado?
rebrab sirhc - Oh fuck would work.
silliw l mailliw - The George Zimmerman
susej ed onig - This would be so incredibly horrifying if it was real.
mortsdnil leahcim - I don't want the ability to call it, so name it something I can't pronoune.
anar icrep - Looks Chinese : Ho Lee Fuk
elzzircm eilsel - My mother-in-law
gnieraw werdna - The Shitmypantsus!
ollerram nerak - How about extinct? Then I can sleep tonight?!
- Why would ANYONE not like this page?!? (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-14T22:16:57+0000)
God: Why would ANYONE not like this page?!?Comments:
ehcatsam liagiba - God is the master of comebacks, I swear.
thgirw erdna - I haven't received any nudes yet!!!
nnam ittap - He doesn't specify what kind of nudes. Post a picture of some naked mole rats, that will mollify him.
lekrots hpesoj - Hey, why did you create the old crazy lady that comes into my work every Sunday and tells me I'm going to burn in hell because I don't go to her church? I mean every damn Sunday! You think she'd die at some point, but no, no she doesn't.
ycul leinad - You look pretty fit on the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Are you worried you won't live up to people's expectations, God?
suvaerd ssim - I would ask for nudes But "Gazing upon the rack of infinite wisdom would drive a man to madness"
yovas enoicnarf aerdna - Ya, but not just nude chicks...we need nude hot guys too...:P
lived eht - I can give you plenty if you like my page MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
aicrag noraa - I'm an atheist, but your posts make me laugh
azonipse ynot - ask and you shall receive...thus god created porn hub, redtube and bravoteens for this man before he was born for god knew that this man would desire nudes
neerg nnijd - I'm willing to bet god is a sexy amazonian girl.
musael dlovker ttocs - God please don't post nudes and get banned. Wait. Can God be banned? Who would dare face the wrath of God? I myself tremble before God. Well not so much tremble as jiggle when I laugh.
suoknil samoht - Who would want nude pics of god? No offense lord.
nnampmak einre - I bet, being God, He has pictures of EVERYONE nude!
legov idieh - Need to be equal opportunity on the nudes. I'd like some men nudes, please.
sse llib - Even that men might one day respect women as people instead of genitals?
smailliw assilem - But...It's the internet...You can get free nudes anywhere. LOL
hsooged giarc - I'm naked right now
maharg sirhc - God Does Not Exist... Atheist
nika tterrag - NUDES!! Is God's penis average size? What about God's female side's boobage?
drofnats ydoc - Today is National Nude Day, God. Get crackin'!
- The lid was loose and came off. Sorry. (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-14T21:19:14+0000)
God: The lid was loose and came off. Sorry.Comments:
sitteb yeoj - Larson did the best comics, ever. And his many "god" themed ones are hella funny.
nitram atter - The lid must have been loose...
rensoh xela - I thought it said "Jews."
dualc nerak - You seem to have concentrated a large amount of them in Florida
yelah gem - Fuckin blow that shit off and run it under some water next time, douche. No one will know.
ol'am gergreganam - When did you turn from a Smurf Blue to Miami Tan?
yovas enoicnarf aerdna - God, STOP COOKING WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!
ffurtnid mas - LOL I thought it said "Jews" at first.
ecnatsuc l nek - must have been right over Texas when that happenend
ylliso adnirol - we need more trees, the jerks you let loose keep cutting them down.
nella mij - I think the shaker top fell off when you were adding them.
kivsles rednaxela - Love how one box says krill
tsuaf evil - I like that god is blue. Further proof that god is a smurf. WHAT NOW ATHEISTS?
edae yelyah - the question here is... WHO loosened the lid? sabotage???
zepol nairb - Same story with the Dumbasses jar?
gnireod sirhc - god's a smurf??lol
ehcnametruoc werdna - Somewhere right now, Gary Larson is PISSED that this is online.
neirb'o eel - God has a uni-brow for eyes
kidle nav kire - Oops, at first sight i thought it said Jews.
ocserp ycats - Good grief, I thought it said JEWS!
elixe werdna r - Seems that most of it rolled down to Florida.
- Do you believe in Me? (Type: photo | Published: 2013-07-14T20:11:17+0000)
God: Do you believe in Me?Comments:
ecirp nuahs - I can see you right here on facebook. Thats all the proof I need.
enob-nosrevlow aidyl - I believe in You God..... You're awesome and I love you! <3
atreuh leinad - I don't believe in you, but you're cool. We cool God?
sgniw anneg - I loathe religion....but God does a great job on his FB page to make me love him. God is positive and supportive of both those religious and those not religious, always getting to the root of it all. Thank you for being on FB and giving us some happy.
drabbuh .a nasus - Ill only believe in you, not the dick god that is in the bible. He totally has his toga in a knots
llab yssim - Can't I just buy you a beer or a hooker and call it even?
etooc samoht - We need a new version of the bible with this god. That would be so awesome
yrrebned divad - You're better than the Bible god, the Bible god is a real asshole.
eihctir eikciv - I believe you exist. Not so sure about the mythological sky daddy from the black book tho.
Youve got a much better sense of humour at any rate.
I like that shit :)
nosbor drawde - Yes, I believe in you. I just don't believe you exist, because existing isn't the sort of thing a real god would do. Existing things are limited by time and space and subject to the laws of physics. Real gods are personifications of eternal principles, which can be everywhere at once, occupy no space, and don't have to begin or end. I must say, though--you have a much better sense of humor than the gods of most religions.
yllaennek legin - I believe in you, just not religion .
nosam dor - I do believe that you are an internet anthropomorphic personification of a popular deity and that I get more response from you from a moments typing that I would from a lifetime on my knees in a church.
sdrawde nhoj - I guess I'm a dick because the only higher power I believe in is The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
resik nosaj - Do atheists who like your page get a "get out of hell free" card??
yelnigcm hterag - You should be in southpark episodes
nossleumas saittam - sure, you would not post this if you did not exist.. only a silly atheist would still not believe after such solid proof.
alset notwen - Hey God, have you ever had self confidence issues, and became an atheist? Like, " Oh man, I wonder if this forgiving sin business is harder than I thought, maybe I can't do it."
redarts navi - If god isnt real, how does he have a facebook page?
hgnis tarikrah - I'm an atheist too. And you seem to be a nice guy. When you are not hungry. :-D
neeuqcam nodrog - I believe in your facebook page.
yelserp alyacim - I believe in you, Facebook God, because I can see you and you actually answer prayers and smite people. ;) You rock!